Tag Archives: Sad

Some said Love

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 I long for love, loving together with someone, happy times, fighting tims, all times. Just someone to share life with in a truthfull way. Be myself and still be apreciated as I am, is that to much to ask for? 

Today I realized that I had fallen in love from a distance, long time ago since that happen, but then here we go again as a child that does not really dare to be upfront with the girl he really cares for and yes in many ways I’m returning to my childhood, beeing more vunerable and carefull about my heart knowing that I am a sensitive man that would really hurt by not getting the repsonse that my heart is longing for. 

Is it wrong to be that carefull and afraid to “jump on” and tell what I want in that relationship? Sometimes I feel more like a woman then a man.

I don’t really know who I am anymore, so much has happend inside lately and I’m not the person I used to know. Stopping the abuse of psyko drugs has really turned me inside out and shock me up. I might find a hole new person, hopefully someone I can live with.

4 weeks of sickness now and still the day seams to go away without me being in it. Is this life?

I can not get it anymore, seams like a waste of time. 

Pretty sad post this time, that how is is. Take care everybody.

 

Lavstream High Energy

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THE LAVASTREAM IS ON!

LavaStream

There is not a single energy in my body letting me rest! As soon as I came back to town my fear and the receiveing of all the Disharmonic Energy of this realm put in Total alert system. Body and soul tired from so little rest, screaming for peace and quiet time. The trip to the woods was not wasted but this night is the night! Everything is pushing, pushing hard! To survive in this point of my existence I choose to take a sleeping pill in order to relax and hopefully get some rest. I’m wrtiting this with full effect of the pill and it only slows me down like a traing crashing into a big truck.

The nighttime is spent with friends, good friends, but even I understand that they do not have the strength to listen to all my thoughts, worrries and other high energy outbursts. I feel alone in this world, affraid to talk and act as myself. The fear that everybody will leave me if I am myself fully! High Energy Being!

I don’t understand?

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Back in town and the city is all over me again. I don’t get it, what is so wrong??

I’m feeling like a stiffed bone, unflexible and my vision is shrinking to something I would call fog. It’s very hard to se the sun and the horizons that I know exists.

My feelng is turning towards the sad way. My heart is aching and the tears are behind my eyes. When will it end? The struggle. I was brought up to believe that life is hard and a struggle but I know in my heart that it doesn’t have to be that way.

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